Before I share this hysterical piece written by my sister, Casey. I'd like to reiterate that all buttons and the blog links will be back up shortly.
Now, to the comic relief:
The McDonalds Diet, by Casey
I recently lost 40 lbs. I've still got a little to lose, but I can see big changes in my body. I guess my friends can see the changes too, because many of them have been asking how I did it. I'll share my secret with you. I've been eating nothing but fast food - anything I want off the menu. There are only 2 rules to this diet: you have to bring your kids with you and you can't bring any food home. Here's a typical meal on my diet:
First, place your order. "I'll take one chicken nugget Happy Meal with fries and an orange soda for Michael. The lady will have a hamburger meal with apple dippers and a chocolate milk. I'd like a double cheeseburger with fries and a coke, super-sized." Really, you can order anything you want!
Take your food and the kids to a table and wait for the dieting magic.
Pass out everyone's food. Open the chocolate milk. Oops, forgot Katie's straw. Go back to the drink station and get her one.
Sit back down. Bring that hot, tasty burger to your lips and ...
"I need ketchup for my fries." Check to see if Katie needs any ketchup while you're up. She doesn't. Return to the drink station and get Michael some ketchup.
Sit back down. Pick up your warm burger for that first bite of cheeseburgery goodness and ...
"Ahh, my milk! My milk!!!" Katie has spilled her milk. Head back to the drink station for some napkins to clean the mess. Wipe up the table, floor and child. Throw away the wet napkins.
Sit down, pick up your room temperature burger and ...
"I need more ketchup." "Already!" "Yes, Mooooom, I can't eat my fries without ketchup." *sigh* "Fine." Return to the drink station, your home away from home, for more ketchup.
Sit down, throw a rubbery fry in your mouth before anyone can say anything and ...
"This burger isn't plain. I wanted a plain burger. This one has stuff on it!! I can't eat it unless it's plain." She never said she wanted plain. Go up to the counter and get her a new burger. Plain.
Sit down. Pick up your freezing cold burger, bring it to your mouth and ...
"There's no ketchup on this burger." Are you freaking kidding me??? Stomp up to the drink counter and get her some ketchup.
Sit down, shove the burger in your face and take a bite. Pick up a fry and ...
"I need more orange soda." Curse under your breath, grab the stupid cup, return to the damn drink station and fill up Michael's drink.
Return to the table. Check your watch. Oh, crap! It's time for school. Throw everything away and rush the kids out the door.
Total food consumed: Two fries and one bite of cheeseburger.
Total calories: about 30